Spark
by Invisible Sun
Summary: Post-Beneath You. Another one people will no doubt be having a field day writing a fanfic about. *shrugs* I just decided to join the bandwagon. (S/B)


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Spark

by Invisible Sun

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Disclaimer: Joss and Co. own them. I'm just borrowing.

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Spoilers: Beneath You

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Keywords: Angst, S/B, Buffy POV, Post-BY

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Rating: PG-13

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Summary: Post-Beneath You. Another one people will no doubt be having a field day writing a fanfic about. *Shrugs* I just decided to join the bandwagon.

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I opened the door and entered my home. I think I was still in shock. Spike has a soul. His soul. His spark.

And for me...

Trying to clear my head of everything, I entered the living room, where I found Dawn and Xander, who was busy telling my sister the whole story, no doubt stretching, I'm sure. They turned their attention to me when they realized my presence. They looked concerned.

"Buffy, what happened? Why are you crying?" Dawn asked, approaching me slowly.

Damnit, I'm **still **crying? I hurriedly brushed the tears from my eyes. I shook my head, "Nothing's wrong, Dawn. I'm fine."

Xander, of course, put on his big-protector-brother act and said, "Did Spike try anything?"

Great. He **had **to bring up the whole Spike thing again. Doesn't he understand that I can't deal with this? Not right now.

I shook my head again, "He didn't do anything."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Spike? Me? Everything? I don't know." I sat on the couch, propping my elbow on the arm, supporting my head like I was suffering from a headache.

Always concerned, my sister and friend took a seat, as well; Dawn next to me and Xander on the coffee table.

"Buffy, **please**," Dawn begged, "I know you probably don't want to, but, please, just let us in now. Tell us what's wrong."

And, suddenly, the dam broke and my tears flowed freely. "Oh, God, how could I have been so heartless and uncaring? Have I always been such a bitch? Or has it only been since last year?"

Xander tried to console me, "Buffy, you're anything but a cold, heartless bitch. You're the most caring, loving, compassionate woman I've met."

"Am I really? If that's true, how could I have driven Spike to do what he did?"

"Buffy, back up. What are you talking about?" Xander asked.

"Yeah, you're not making any sense. Maybe you should tell us what happened," Dawn said.

I nodded shakily, "After that whole thing with Ronnie being a worm thing, and after I took off after tending to him... I went to look for Spike."

"Why?" Xander asked. You could hear the disgust towards Spike in his voice.

"I had to. After he stabbed Ronnie, he freaked out. I had to know what was wrong. I was afraid he'd hurt himself. Like last time." Those last words I added quietly, under my breath. I'm pretty sure they did hear me, but, if they did, they both chose to ignore it.

"And that would be bad, how?" Xander asked.

I closed my eyes, "Xander, please."

He quieted down.

I cleared my throat before continuing, "I found him in that old abandoned church in the cemetery." The tears threatened to fall harder. "I asked him to tell me what happened to him over the summer." I paused, not quite sure how to tell them.

Dawn tried to push me, "And? Buffy? What'd he say?"

I looked her in the eyes, "He found his soul." Well, nothing like the direct approach.

A moment of nothing then her eyes grew wide and huge as my words clicked.

"You mean he's-"

I nodded.

"So, you're saying our previously evil, soulless vampire left town for a while and comes back all soulled up and ready to be the people's champion? And he picked this soul up...where? The local Souls 'R' Us?" Xander asked, always the skeptic when it came to Spike.

"I don't know. And I know it's crazy, but I believe him. I have no reason not to."

Xander gawked at me, "Hello? We are talking about Mr. Attempted Rape, right? He could be pretending. Trying to get in your pants. Again."

"Xander," I warned. "You didn't see him. If...if you had, you'd know. There would be no way you wouldn't. God, the things he was saying...doing."

Dawn suddenly became worried, "Buffy? What happened? What'd he do?"

I told them everything that happened in the church. I had to. Had to make them see. And when I finished, a fresh bout of tears was making its way down my cheeks.

"And you left him there?" Dawn asked appalled, "You just left him on the cross? Buffy, how could you do that?"

"How could I have done everything I did?" I asked. Suddenly, everything I did to him flew through my mind. I felt sick.

"Buffy, you didn't do anything wrong," Xander said. He always seemed to place me on this high pedestal. And I couldn't take it anymore. He...they had to know the truth.

"Xander, you don't know everything that happened between the two of us." I sighed. I didn't realize how difficult discussing this would be. "Last year...I used Spike for my own selfish needs. I didn't realize how much it was affecting him. All I did was take and take, not once listening to him. Not once considering his feelings. Told myself over and over he didn't...couldn't feel. And now, he's completely lost. And I feel like it's my fault. I drove him to go get his soul back."

I looked at them, "He told me he did it for me. I had always placed such emphasis on the fact that he was soulless. And that I couldn't love him because of that. God, how could I have not realized how all the things I said hurt him? How could I have been so blind?"

Dawn tried to comfort me, "There was no way you could have known, Buffy. Spike has a tendency to hide his feelings. It took me almost all summer to get him to open up after...you died."

I thought about this this. Dawn was right. Sort of. I mean, he never tried to hide the fact that he loved me. And...come to think of it, he always tried to discuss our...relationship. No, I was the one who hid my feelings...

So was he, I told myself. He hid his pain. His suffering. He hid that...Like I hid my feelings for him...

I should go to him.

"Huh?" Xander asked.

Oh, did I say that last part out loud? "I should go find him," I repeated. I stood quickly and headed for the door.

Xander stopped me with a hand on my arm, "Are you sure that's such a good idea?"

I looked at him square in the eye, "You have a problem with that?"

"Damn right I do! So, he's suffering. I say good! He deserves all of it."

"Maybe," I said thoughtfully, "But, I plan on being there alongside him, helping. No more hiding." And I left.

I was worried I wouldn't be able to find him, but I did. He was still at the church. Thankfully, he was also no longer embracing that cross.

He, instead, sat on one of the pews near the front. He seemed to be in some kind of trance almost. I approached slowly and carefully. I didn't want to startle him.

"Spike?" I whispered quietly.

He looked at me and gave me a sort of half-hearted smile. "You're back," he said quietly, "'Fraid I scared you off."

I moved closer to him," Actually, you did. But I...needed to think about something anyway."

He nodded and returned his gaze to the front, "Sorry."

I shook my head, "None of that."

He looked at me again, "Wha'?"

"Apologies. Please, none of those."

He nodded again. I sat next to him. And I noticed something odd. Real odd. He didn't appear to have any burn marks from the cross. I wonder why...but now was not the time to dwell on that. There was always later.

"So-"

"How can you look at me?" he interrupted.

"Huh?"

"The things I did...the thing I did to you... I'm disgusting. Worthless. You should have killed me when you had the chance."

"Don't talk like that."

There was a moment of silence. Both of us just stare straight ahead. At that cross. 

"There's something I need to tell you," I said suddenly. My voice sounded out of place, loud in the quiet of the church.

He looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

I took a deep breath, "I was thinking about a lot of things after I took off. Seeing you again...hearing about the soul...it made me realize a bunch of things. Namely how I was such a bitch to you last year. And how much you truly have changed. And how I ignored it...until now. Spike, I know I said no apologies, but I owe you one. A long time overdo one. I'm so sorry that I used you continuously without any regard to your feelings. I'm sorry I hurt you. But mostly, I'm sorry for lying to you about my feelings. For telling you I couldn't love you. Because I can. I do."

"What?" he asked slowly, his voice thick with emotion.

I turned in my spot to face him completely. "I love you, Spike. I think I have for a long time, but I was too afraid to admit it. I know I should have told you a long time ago, but... And now I'm afraid I'm too late."

He shook his head, "No. Never too late."

Almost in sync, we rested our foreheads against each other. We moved slowly and shared our first kiss since...forever. It was a simple chaste kiss, but it held more feeling than any of our more passionate ones. When we broke apart, tears were streaming down his face. And mine, as well.

"I love you so much, Buffy," he whispered hoarsely.

"I love you, too. And I promise, we'll get through everything together. You don't have to deal with the soul alone anymore. I'm here for you."

And I was.

Fini.

Author's Notes: Let's see, just have to yell out kudos to Joss and Co. for such a fantastic eppy (what a lovely 18th birthday pressie :) ) And especially James for doing such a unbelievably magnificent job. 

And that little part about the lack of burns is just part a little speculation on my part. We'll figure out if I'm right or wrong Tuesday.

And, to anyone who might actually be reading my story "Could I Ever Be Good Enough," I'm almost finished with that. And when I do, I'll post it, along with a very detailed description on why it was sooooo late. 


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